Why after all these
years am I still anti-relationship? I have many reasons and many more excuses.
To put it plain and simple, I just don’t want to be in a relationship. It’s
like a TV show that you hear about all the time but you never really sit down
long enough to get into it so you never really have the desire to entertain it.
Fantasies are great
but usually they don’t come true. My fantasy at one time was called “My Future
Fantasy Life” or something like that. It went a little something like this, hit
it!!! (Oops, wrong time and place…) Anywho, between the ages of 24 and 27, I wanted
to be married, have kid(s). Have a nice job, be happy, healthy and rich.
When I finally turned
27 years young, had suck ass job, no wife, no kids and broke. I was alive but
mentally stressing for the most part but those were my early stages of trying
to figure out how to be a man. My life was nothing like my fantasy that I had
hoped for.
There’s no doubt that
my fantasy didn’t come true nor can it come true the way I thought it. I’m ok
with that now. During my struggle of becoming a man, I learned that I think a
lot and like to figure things out. In order for me to figure something out, I
need the facts. Those hard reality check kind of facts in some cases.
Truthfully, I wasn’t ready for “My Future Fantasy Life” when I was 27, let
alone at 24.
To clear up a few
things, I don’t feel I have commitment issues or just want to be single to have
sex with everything that has a cooch or breastises. I don’t feel I’m too good
or have royalty status. I don’t even feel like I deserve to be treated any
certain way.
Apart of being a man
for me is the ability to make decisions. I try to consciously make choices to
do whatever it is I’m doing or have done. No one can control me unless I choose
to let them. If I want to do something, I choose, then I do it. Sometimes NOT
do it even I told myself I want to do it but I take responsibility for it.
I mentioned the
making decisions on my own because people believe anymore that just because
they believe it or live by it, it means I have to also believe it or live by
it. NOT at all true. I like making my own decisions and doing what works for
me. My belief is, if you don’t like it, you are welcome to leave me alone or be
get mad or do whatever you believe will
work for you.
***to be continued***
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