I’ve been a fan of Transformers since my ears were wetter
than a mug. I started collecting them in 2001. I go for the newer stuff because
I wouldn’t be able to afford to get the older ones. Every time I go to store, I
always hit the toy section up to see if anything new came out.
Almost two months, I hit Toys R Us up one morning. Saw they
had a new Transformer, they had two left. At the moment I couldn’t justify the
cost of it so I decided I’d get it another time. Got home and something was
saying go back. Went back about 2 hours later and they both were gone. That
made me want even more, thus starting my ugly shopping binge.
I’ve been this way for a long while when it comes to
shopping and the shopping binges have been happening more over the past 2 years
and very random.
I know that whatever causes me to go on these binges is a
part of who I am. Wanting something, setting my mind to it and going hard for
it. The lengths I’d go for something anymore is pretty far as proven last year
when I went on a Guitar Hero spree. It was like I wouldn’t let anything deny me
of finding what I was looking for and I never gave up. I’ve never really
associated myself with being compulsive but it’s in me. Only if I would put
that much effect towards other things.
Let me tell you, there are two sides to this binging episode
I’m having; the bad news side and the good news side.
The bad news side. I went way over and beyond my budget. Felt
like I can’t really enjoy all the moments to the fullest because I know I’m
being responsible. There were even times I would ask myself “why I am I doing
this? What void in my life am I trying to fill by shopping out of control?”
I’m notorious for wanting something, getting it and never
actually using it. Makes me question how grateful and appreciative am I for
what I have? It’s not only when it comes to material things but that’s a whole
other story for another time.
The only solutions that I’ve come up with is to try to talk
myself out of it and find something else to focus on. I’ve gotten better at
that but if I really want something, sometimes it’s harder to convince myself
otherwise. I’m also thinking, it might be a good idea to just play it out and
see what happens.
The good news side!! Right around the time this binge
started, my inner kid came out full force. The first weekend, after the Toys R
Us experience I went on the “hunt” for Transformers, I hit the highway. Felt
some kind of way over that first weekend because I had over spent, my inner kid
came out. He told me “everything was going to be ok. Enjoy the moment no matter
what or what outcome may happen. It’s ok to be irresponsible at times. We will
figure things out if it goes to shit.” When the inner kid speaks, I listen and I
believe.
I’ve hit the highway for the past 8 weeks, traveling within
a 50 miles radius and once outside so far. The feeling of riding on a nice day
while the sun is shining with partly cloudy blue skies, is awesome!! Rolled my
windows down, turned the music up and was rolling. Although the weather during
each weekend was in the 80s, it was fairly nice out. These past two weekends,
the temperature has been really nice.
Stopped to see some folks I haven’t saw in a long time and
also got to meet an old friend for the first time that I’ve known since the
Myspace days. I’ve been to about 8 “towns”, hit ever Wal-Mart, Target, Toys R
Us, K-mart and Meijer in a 50 mile radius. While I’m out and doing my thing, I
had no worries or fears. Even the bad new side of this wasn’t on my mind while
I was out. Remember those old school JC Pennies catalogs that were huge? I used
to dream about buying stuff out of it, now I’m actually doing it. Feels like I’m
living out a childhood dream. Priceless.
Found some G.I. Joe Retaliation and Legos on clearance so
I’ve been buying those too. Got a MEAN Lego collection now.
A few weekend ago, wrote down 6 locations, mixed them up and
picked one. Ended up in Clinton, Decatur and Mt. Zion, IL. Hit the lego jackpot
at Wal-Mart in MT. Zion.
Overall, even though this is a temporary thing and I can’t
afford to keep doing it, I’ve enjoyed it. Just getting out and riding is good
enough for me. Kind of anxious to see where I’m heading next and what I may find.
Do you go on shopping binges?
Do you act compulsive toward something? What?
The shopping binges really are indicative of something more going on inside and warring within you. It's good that you realize it to an extent. I think it'd serve you more to go after figuring that out with the same tenacity you have when shopping.
ReplyDeleteIt really amazes me sometimes that we KNOW the things we need to do and yet we don't make the active choice to do them. We give ourselves excuses and pathetic justifications. Trust me, I am talking to myself first and foremost, and to anyone who chooses to apply it himself secondly. I've had a lot going on in my head and I haven't really set it to words yet. That may have to change soon.
I'm reading a new (new to me) book called, "On All the Things that Make Me Beautiful" by Nadirah Angail. I'm really liking it, even if I don't agree with all of her viewpoints. The book is a collection of short essays on life and self. I think it's one I'll reference and reread for years to come.
So far, I like piece on gravity. Here's a snippet:
"John Mayer passionately asks gravity to stay the hell away from him. I make a similar plea. Not because I fear that with time it will ravage my body, but because I know that with time it will ravage my mind- or worse, my spirit... Be it finances, personal relationships, internal struggles, or all o the above, gravity convinces us we aren't truly blessed...I am learning, though, how to focus more on what's going right instead of what's going wrong. I honestly believe that every person is responsible for his or her own happiness. So, I am trying now not to let the gravities of this life get in the way of that."
I think there's a lot of things going on within me. Constipation is a mf, haaa. For real though, the binging is not only hurting my pockets, it's leading me to do things that I've been waiting to do for a long time. One thing is leading to another to another and another. I decided a while back that I'm just going to let it play out and I'm glad I did instead of stressing myself trying to fight something that I might not have been able to defeat. I seem to do better with solving problems when I step away and stop thinking about it. The binging itself, still wanting on solution to stop it but ehh, until then, I'm going to try to focus more on the good things that are happening because of it.
DeleteYes, it's crazy make those active choices but I guess as long as you know it's your choice, that's a start to making a better choice.
Gravity, interesting. Maybe I'm taking the whole gravity thing the wrong way but I'll tell you what i do see. In DBZ(Dragonball Z if you didn't know. Where my profile pic comes from) A couple of the guys on there trained in gravity. 10x earths gravity, one trained in 300x earth gravity. Training under that pressure, made them crazy strong. The point I'm making is, it's hard at first but the more you train under it, the more you can handle it. Eventually, you'll be able to handle it as if it wasn't even there. It's almost needed if you want to excel beyond where you feel you can go?
I think I told you once before that we have to find the positive in any negative situation no matter what. Gravity is going to always be around but we can adapt to it and instead of letting it break us or believe it is hurting us, why not let it make us stronger, help us grow......ok it's too early for all this deep stuff. hehe
I think that what she is saying is to live and love in spite of gravity. There is always a force, gravity if you will, trying to hold you down and keep you back. You can let the pressure overwhelm you OR you can accept the things you can't change and take charge of your life to change the things you can.
DeleteSounds good to me.
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